I had a most interesting conversation recently, one about very interesting hidden thoughts and feelings suppressed for a very long time.

    It was good to finally get it all out I guess. I hope no one got offended :S

    we shall see where this goes form here on out :D Its good to know that we're still laughing so hard about it, as if that 'interesting' conversation was funny :D

    Well it was, but not in a laugh out loud funny way...

    Well whatever :S

Maybe your luck has changed
Settle down
Maybe Im just deranged
And on the rebound
Maybe love was the thing
Holding me back from all
Maybe Im just the thing
To break my own fall

Take the rope to my heart and fall
You may just be the last before you
See the black tangled heart fall

Maybe departures good
Makes room for more
Start to mass produce
For a chance to ignore
Maybe youll kill yourself
Before I get a turn
Maybe Ill fall in love
And never learn

Take the rope to my heart and fall
You may just be the last before you
See the black tangled heart fall

Take the rope to my heart and fall
You may just be the last before you
See the black tangled heart fall
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It sucks when you have to use some other person's affection to replace another person's affection ( the one who you really crave affection from) and then try to feel good about it.

Its like settling for second best when you can't get the best.

Makes me feel pathetic... and I feel so bad. Like I want to kill myself.

And die an embarassing death, cursed and scorned upon by many, and watch as the person whom I really crave affection from squirm in disgust and walk away. The replacement would go on to live a happy life, and I would die.

Maybe I deserve it. I so deserve it.

We've came a long way baby. A loong long way. BAck then it was always to akward to speak but now its always too natural.

Be careful you could get burned.

But I really... don't mind..

    They say that I am rude or that I'm being snobbish and all..

    But have you ever considered the amount of verbal abuse that you've hurled at me throughout my years?

    Just yesterday I came back with some important issues about whether or not I should buy insurance, and you guys verbally assaulted me saying that I don't know what I am doing, without even letting me finish. I HAVEN'T BOUGHT THE INSURANCE POLICY YET, so don't fucking freak out! ANd when I ask politely that you not abuse me verbally you snap back and scold me and say that I'm a runt and should just listen.

   ANd then she says that I can barely take care of myself let alone someone else. And all this just sprang out of some newspaper article about chjild abuse, and god knows HOW she can just steer the topic to focus on my supposed incompetence.

    Hey, I have achieved MORE in my 1st 20 years of my life than YOU have bitch. ALl you ever did was WASTE father's money and then MARRY a rich guy. YOu were never smarter than me academically, nor are you going far with your 'career'. I have been involved with so much camps and associations and you just stayed at home rusting and talking on the phone. ALL YOU KNEW WAS HOW TO WASTE MONEY.

    STOP VERBALLY abusing me! I'm tired I'm scared and all i want now is to just be left alone!

    I'M SEETHING IN ANGER AND ALL I can seem to answer you guys back is.... in snobbish and angry tones.

    STOP. JUST FUCKING STOP.

You know sometimes when you love somebody they say you should just set them free because, well.. simply because if you don't you lose more than you bargained for. You lose everything. Friendship.. everything.

The past few weeks I have been, shall we say vaulting across uncrossable lines, and destroying barriers that are there to protect us, just because of the " nothing's going to happen" excuse.

Nothing IS going to happen, but not everyone would see that would they? They would condemn and hate and throw every ounce of prejudice onto my already frail self, expecting me to smile and wave my hands above my head and happily proclaim out that " I've made a mistake" or " hahah That was dumb of me."

ALL I NEED IS SOMEONE TO TALK TO.

And everyone's saying that I'm doing something wrong or that I'm destroying relationships doing so, well, I guess right now I AM HUH?

Oh, don't get me wrong. I am NOT scared at all of continuing.

BUT...

I need to not come too close.

But other than that fuck y'all.

So. Its an update.

I bought my dad a laptop. Its a medium spec laptop, and my sisters and I shared to buy it for him. He's happy. :)

For the most part I've been mostly stuck at home playing resident evil 4 on my wii, and well, climbing here and there. Theres also that transformer that I really want to see, which most of my friends have seen multiple times since its opening ( GEEKS!).

Plenty of movies I want to see, including Surf's up and Ratatouille.

CJ's got a new chick..

Wow. My life is a lot more interesting that this crap of an entry envisioned it to be.

Well whatever.

I went to perhentian kecil.

It was a damn 8 hours drive there. mY feet were dead by the time i got there.

And then the boat ride to perhentian... was also... well... The boat broke halfway and we had to switch boats in the middle of the sea. We were stuck for 30 minutes.

And when we got there. And lunch was waiting. The chalets were run down, and the toilets were scary. Fine. Nothing i cannot handle.

But it was great. They threw us in the middle of an ocean to look at sea turtles and to feed fishes but the water was so clear I didn't really care that it was DAMN deep ( you could see right to the bottom) and that I didn't know how to tread water.

There's a beach where the sand is like flour. Absolutely beautiful.

Now If only I could have gotten rid of all the kids that were so noisy. It would have been bliss if they weren't there.

I fucking hate kids :S

I retreated to the rocks away from the chalets and enveloped myself in darkness and thought to myself under the pale yellow moonlight, that damn, I wished someone was there right next to me.

But then again.. 

the stars were all really bright.

The phone kept me company as the flood of sms-es came thru :).

She can't see it, but at least i can tell her about it.

And i think that would suffice :)

 

I am incredibly relieved in many many months :)

Don't ask why, I just feel it. Its like, a burden lifted off my shoulders and I'm suddenly just... so... released.

I trekked tabur yesterday and the day before yesterday, I was at camp 5 :D And next week going perhentian XD YEAYYY.

And yes, I still wish I could pack YOU in a suitcase to bring you along to perhentian :P that would be so cool :)

On other news, if you read today's newspaper, a 50 year old woman was bullied and chased by motorcycled indians and finally met her demise when she crashed into another car.

She would have been saved if Assunta hospital admitted her, instead of demanding a RM 10,000 deposit. Instead, a son had to watch his mom die.

THIS isn't the first time a private hospital has killed someone. I thought hospitals were there to save lives for the sake of saving lives, not extorting innocent victims for money while their closest relatives withered away bleeding right?

And the Indians? Well, apparently the lady NUDGED into one of the motorcyclists, causing all four of her windscreens to be smashed by helmets and hammers, causing her to panic and run. I think she was also injured. The hammer and helmet was still inside the car when they found it.

What is wrong with this society and its fond affliation with hostility? Does it make them more macho picking on a frail 50 year old woman? Do they need lessons in anger management, or do they need to cut down their consumption of Samsu? I do not think that a slightly damaged bike warrant an action such as the killing of an innocent woman.

The worse part is having the son watch his mother die.

I tell you, our world is going to hell.

Dear whoever.

    It may not seem like I've been doing much, but rest assured that I have been keeping my end of this promise and continued rocking out:D

    I might not have been as active or whatever, but I'm still pretty fit. I can still climb, with little difficulty, i can still run and not pant a lot, I can still fit into my pants like I always do and though I've grown a little tummy, I think it makes me look sexy XD

    Work has been a load of boring off-ish jobs that require more concentration that passion, its been a bore fest after another and i have to say, a career move is coming soon.
   
    As for financially, well I don't wanna talk about it, as surely finance is the source of all stress. I can live, and I can live pretty comfortably so lets leave it at that.

    Now here comes the guilty part. I've been pretty happy lately that some people have been suffering. Well deserved suffering I might add. Yes. They've been in pain and I must say that this pain gives me pleasure.

    I would also like to take thi oppurtunity to also say that there are some that do not deserve this pain and their pain should be waived.

    Filthy Earth worm baby, I hope you die in agony and pain.

Sincerely with lots of love and crocodile tears,

Ethan.

This is what I would call a real update in ages. Instead of just a few sentences I'm going to attempt a real entry, and all that before my studio manager shows up :D

I've been busy I have, doing all manners of fun stuff :P But I just hadn't the time to write ANYTHING! I went for the 9km roange run, the training e had to go through, the kayaking.. the laods of stuff la XD

Well, the 5 day holidays was a blast for me.

I went adventure racing at Langkawi, the WIlderness Langkawi challenge was A BLAST. Running, Kayaking and trail-running, this gruelling ordeal was ultimately VERY rewarding at the end.

Me and CJ got 9th place :D We beat the Hitz.fm Djs that were there too :D

Made friends with people as well as with booze :D

Then I came back to a VERY VERY eventful Wesak Day!

It was the first time I actually stopped to watch all the floats pass by. I sat alone, because I walked too fast XD and I just watched from the 1st float till the last.

It was quite touching in a way. It was my first time sitting and watching. Then back to centrepoint for McDs with friends till 4 am!

The next morning I was up at 6am hiking Bukit Tabur, which was semi hike and semi climb.

It was really scary and some parts of the mountain felt like solo climbing... I am not kidding! If you fell you would really have died as it was mostly cliffs. But it was really reallly BEAUTIFUL!

Sigh. If only you were here to see this :)

You know, you guys would have had so much fun if you were'nt overseas XD but i guess you are having fun in your own ways and I shouldn't be ranting :)

Next up: TRAILBLAZERS :D